Love, love, love me! (R)

Neal brought Loika into one of his mutant friend's yacht. He looked at her sleeping and stoke her back. "I love you." He said quietly. He climbed up into the cockpit, pulled out a beer and was struck immediately with the beauty of the skyline. He checked his watch. Just after three-thirty in the morning.

He grabbed a seat cushion and quietly made his way forward. He settled back against the mast, thinking about the nightmare. The nightmare he experienced when he disappeared  which left Loika depressed. It had been months since it had  visited him. A year since the actual event.

Neal would guess that the dream revisiting him probably had to do with his move of getting Loika back. Neal smiled wryly, wondering when the hell he had become such a weenie. He didnt deal in life-and-death decisions anymore. He was now an individual who didnt care about what people say or do about his actions because he could either slash them with his viscous words or hurt them in some way or even kill them, if necessary,

" The important thing is I already got my queen back. Next thing to do: Bring the X-Men down and run this world." Neal told himself

Loika was dreaming of the first mission she and neal were on. She was scared of the mission and of flying. Well she was still scared of flying. That was one thing she had never gotten over. It was the first time Neal had called her beauty. Peter had been there of course... but she hadnt realized the boy had feelings for her. In her dream they were getting ready to jump from the plane when she woke up.

She woke up with a start and gasped. Her head hurt and her stomach rolled. The whole floor underneath her rocked. The sensation was naseating. She looked around for Mackenzie and didnt recognize her surroundings at all. She had no idea where she was. One thing for sure, she was going to be sick. She struggled to her feet. Her legs felt wobbly as she ran out of the cabin of the yacht and to the edge of the boat. She clung to the railing at the edge of the boat and puked over the side. The only boat she had ever really been on was her dad's fishing boat. She glanced out at the water and shuddered. She was trapped wherever she was... she didnt know how to swim.

Neal thought of his well-planned schemes, elaborately humiliating specific persons from his list. He wanted this game of his to become more intriguing as he would throw more violence into the mix. He would probably take the identity of a good guy, he would convince Loika that he could make change in order to accomplish his plan. He didn't care if this would contradict Loika's ideology. Anyhow, these were all being motivated by his devotion to her, whom he loved unconditionally.

Those wicked plans and thoughts were easy to root for Neal, thanks to the unending flashbacks and nightmares added bits and pieces of his suffering. These were worn-out past memories, but they were still bothering. And Neal would like to get his revenge. This particular revenge fantasy was going to be sweet, a scandalous dish that’s consistently and rewardingly served cold.

After a while, it became apparent that the city lights didnt help him. And an occasional sleepless night wasnt so bad, not as atonement went. So he decided to go below. He was still at it when Loika awoke. She looked frightened and uncomfortable. Neal saw her running toward the edge of the boast as the wind blew harder, making the halyards slap against the mast.

Neal flew towards Loika and reached out for her hand, "Seems you dont like this little sail with your first love?" He asked.

Loika was on her knees with her head rested against the metal of the boat. She took deep breaths until she felt like she could talk without bringing up anymore of her previous meals. " I have a thing about water. I get seasick and im also a bit phobic." She licked her dry lips. " I cant swim... but you know that. Thats why you brought me here." She looked up at him. Her face was a little pale and she was sweating a little but other than that she was perfectly fine.

"I think we should overcome now our fear." Neal puller her close and kissed her. He drew off his shirt. "Come on, it's been a while since we made all alone. So why don't we take this time, play with me, get some rest." Neal said as he looked at her mischievously.

Neal stared at her. "Hmmmm?" He mocked as he pulled her closer, burying her face in his chest. He gasped. The warmth of her face against him was so pleasurable it was shocking.

Loika snarled and pushed him away. " I just puked my guts out and discovered you have taken me to one of the few places that truly scares the shit out of me! What part of any of that makes you think i want to do anything physical with you right now!" When he tried to put his head on her chest she slapped him on the cheek and stood up. She held onto the railing for support and looked out at the water. Big mistake. Her head started to swim once again and she tried to stumble back to the cabin of the yacht.

Neal saw that Loika was pissed off. She slapped him and he waited until she looked at him again. He desperately needed to talk to her, he needed to apologize to her for last time. Why? Because he couldnt yet live his life knowing he had left Loika upset and had not made her happy.

Neal tried to ignore it, his expression was still bright and a smile beamed up on his face. Oh, how he needed to talk to her so badly. Neal decided to sit, slowly but halted into his position, his bottom hanging in mid air. Loika held onto the railing for support and looked out at the water. It seemed she was finding some way to escape.

The wind gusted, rocking their boat. He frowned and started to follow Loika with his eyes. He looked at her, suspiciously and patiently as well. After watching her for a few minute now he then frowned again when he noticed Loika left him and rushed towards the cabin.  But it wasn't just that, she was sick... really sick. She was in that state where she desperately needed to go to some dry land. Neal watched her again for a few second.

This was it ,Neal wans't going to sit here while the person he love was slowly dying. He needed to do something, so rose from his seat and begun making his way towards her. "Alright, I'm going to shove this boat back to the dock as soon as possible, I'm going to sail it while you sleep." Neal spoke, helping to lift her back up, eyeing her carefully and smiled nervously at her as he waited patiently for her response.

Loika found some water bottles in the cabin. Thank god! She twisted the cap off of one quickly and chugged it down. Her throat was still raw from throwing up but the water felt amazing. She drank it down and actually started to feel better. It took her a few minutes to return from sick pale to her normal pale skin. She put the cap back on the bottle and held against her forehead. The coolness of the bottle felt good on her skin. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it for a few moments before her eyes snapped back open and she glared at Neal. " Im not going to sleep with you around me. for all i know you will fondle me in my sleep!"

Her eyes slowly trailed to the door of the cabin. She was calculating how fast she could run to the edge of the boat. If she jumped how far would she get. She couldnt swim in human form and she could barely swim in wolf form. If the sea was rough she would be in trouble. It would also be freezing. She convinced herself her fur would keep her warm.

Loika pretended to be examining the water bottle, then she suddenly dropped it and made a run for the edge of the boat and jumped up on the railing. She started to get dizzy again and wobbled. She closed her eyes and willed herself to jump. She jumped in and let out a groan. The water was freezing! It stunned her for a few moments and she started to sink despite thrashing her arms and legs. She almost forgot to shift. She shifted into a wolf and started to dog paddle but the water was really rough. It was dark out in the water too. She had no idea where land was. The waves were tossing her around and she was starting to sink. Her head went under water a few times and that caused her to panic and try to kick harder which didnt help.

Neal just shrugged and let out a small chuckle. "Alright lady, you're the boss." He shook his head as he spoke.He looked at her, back into her beautiful eyes. Oh, how he missed them. He was starting to get concern about her. "If you need anything, just call me." He said as he left her inside the cabin.

Neal sighed and frowned. The only thing that pissed him off the most was that  Loika still could not trust him. Neal could say, she was still angry with him. But he wanted to understand her. Their separation was never easy -- perhaps for both of them going through it, and for all people affected by it. No matter how progressive people had become, there was still a lot of stigma attached to it, more so this society. He gritted his teeth at the thought of this. This makes him question the world sometimes.

Neal let his anger fade away as he saw Loika ran towards the edge of the boat again.   "Loika!"  He yelled,  frowning curiously when he noticed that it seemed she was preparing to jump off the ocean. He took a step forward and paused when she finally fell from the yatch. "Loika!" He shouted again.

Loika was now in the water, she was already in his wolf form by the time Neal reached the spot where she jumped. Neal arced a large fishing net first through the air and then he followed Loika in the water. Neal grabbed Loika's wrist as she struggled, trying to prevent her body slipping into the abyss. He kicked hard, pulling water with his left hand. But their weight made them sink under the sea. He wrapped his hands around her waist when and swam harder.

As his face broke the surface, Neal pulled Loika's head out of the ocean. He pulled her to the net. And Neal grabbed the black net, closed his eyes for a while and summoned wind currents which were strong enough to support  to elevate himself and Loika.

Loika kicked and struggled as hard and as long as she could against the ocean but it was no use. She wasnt a strong swimmer wolf or not. She swallowed alot of sea water and every time she tried to cough it she swallowed another mouthful. She was starting to loose conciousness when Neal grabbed her. She barely registered that he was even there.

Her mind went back to when she first arrived at Xaviers. Back when Peter used to tease her mercilessly. It was the first time she wore a bikini in public. She was laying out at the outdoor pool when peter threatened to throw her in. She snarled at him to stop and he had teleported her to the diving board and dropped her in. He hadnt known she couldnt swim. Even though she almost drowned she still lived. She had even slapped Peter when he gave her CPR.

She shifted back to human and clung to Neal, clinging to the memory of Peter. She was barely concious at the time and not realizing who she was holding onto.

Neal placed her on the board. He quickly went into the cabin, grabbed a blanket and wrapped her in it, feeling for pulse. Yes there was. He rolled her onto his side, allowing her to expel the seawater and vomit. He bent over, messaging his neck.

"Loika... Loika..." He said, stroking her hair. He tried to smile at him, tears in his eyes. He could see Loika wasnt happy with him anymore but he would try to do his best to mend and restore their broken relationship. He couldn't live without her.  His unhappiness was really affecting him, and he was afraid to find himself disabled by an illness. He didn't want to see himself anymore lieing there alone, silently screaming in his mind over and over about the "should-haves" and "could-haves" he had the chance of pursuing but didn’t.

This was the sliver of a chance for him to reverse the downward spiral of their relationship, he should grab it and see how it goes. Neal would change his attitude completely toward her. Maybe, he would just stop insulting and mocking Peter and just be nice, despite her hatred toward him. She might noticed the new him and might forgive him and left Peter because of it.

Life can change in the wink of an eye. Neal may not become a saint, but she might. "I wont give up Loika..." He whispered.

Loika's shoulders were shaking. it was hard to tell at first but it was because she was crying. She hugged the blanket around herself with one hand and held to a locket around her neck with the other. It matched Mackenzie's. " You left with no word. You made me think i had a chance again when you came back then kicked me away again. Then you get angry when i finally find happiness? what the hell is wrong with you?!" She was sobbing at this point. " You arent even the sweet, loving, and caring boy i fell for back then. You are a hateful murdering monster."

Neal looked at her and sighed, softly. He swore he could see Loika's eyes were flaming at him. That usually mean she was really angry. He shook his head and sat down next to her. He watched her carefully, with grief in his eyes as he watched Loika started sobbing again and telling him how hateful he became. Neal looked away from her and sighed, shaking his head with disbelief with what he heard. "Yes, I left but my love did not." He spoke, his voice full of scorn. But he couldn't blame her, he knew her.

"What I feel for you, is not gone for how can you lose what you already have in your heart and kept in your mind? I don't have to prove anything. What I know is I LOVE YOU. I love you soo much" He said. "And please don't question my badassness,  I'm angry and I got a right to be. People don't know me. People don't know my life. They don't know what happened to me and yet they kept on judging me." He paused and breathed deeply.

"Everyone thinks I have mental illness…But believe, I'm not insane! I have however, mental torture, yes, courtesy of an evil manipulation!" When he spoke, his voice was shaking. And turned his topic again to his love for Loika. "Please Loika... Please accept me again... Accept and love me like the way you did before.  This is still me... I love you. You don't know how much I tried to forget you but I cant. My love for you is just something that’s always been inside of me. When I’m with you, I finally understand what people are talking about when they talk about love. I’ve tried so hard to push this feeling away and keep it locked inside because everybody is telling me it's over... we're over! But every day just feels like a war. And I walk around so mad at the world, but I’m really just fighting with myself. I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m just too tired. I have to just be... to be with you." He said, taking a huge breath after he finished.

He lost Loika and he wasn't gonna lose her anymore. He placed his hand on the locket. Neal remembered all their happy moments together . Ever since Neal left he made a promise that he wasnt gonna replace Loika in his heart. He couldn't bear to lose her. He didn't know how much he could take.

The tears were still rolling down her cheeks. " Dont give me that bullshit Neal. If everyone had the right to be hateful because someone did them wrong then what would i be!? Im sweet natured because thats who i am Neal! People dont make us who we are Neal."

she pushed his hand away and accidently broke the chain on her locket in the process. It fell to the floor of the deck and popped open. Inside was a picture of Mackenzie being held by peter as a newborn on one side. On the other side was Mackenzie looking more like she did now. She had Peter's hair but loika's blue eyes. Her face held a serious expression in the picture. The water from the ocean was starting to get the pictures wet and loika let out a worried whimper as she attempted to quickly dry it. She missed her baby so much.

Neal heard Loika began to speak again and listen closely and when he finished he looked at her and started considering her words. He knew nothing he could say could convince her to forgive him, agree with him, accept him and finally love him again and suddenly he had an idea and started to speak.

"Loika, I am tired of this bullcrap," He paused for dramatic effect.   "I dont know why you and many other people don't understand me, prepare to attack me and you all want me to be angelic?" He asked.   "But I have no choice, I am going to take all the bullets you shoot. However, just watch and beware 'coz it will ricochet." He said,  letting out of coughs his eyes widen at the sight before him. Blood, there was blood on his hands and he was now starting to cough up blood. He knew this wasn't good at all for him for he was getting worse.

" Ricochet? Look Neal if you are going to kill in some sort of fucked up if-you-cant-have-me-no-one-can way then just do it. You have no idea how much i miss my baby right now. So if you are gunna do it then JUST DO IT." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked down at her feet. " What are you trying to pull on me Neal cut it out!"

Neal grinned and shook his head. "I am doing it now Loika. That's why you're here in the middle of the sea... with me. No one can snatch you away from me... here." Neal softly as he looked at her weakly. "I can't bare to lose you one more time." Neal said softly. Neal wasn't going to lose any more loved ones if he could help it, losing his parents was enough to him. Neal remembered that he almost had to commit suicide cause he was so depress over his parents' death and his yearning desire for Loika. Neal wasn't completely over it, he was sure he'll never be if Loika decided to leave him alone. Once you lose someone you love dearly it's hard to move on if you ever do.

Neal listened to his words and then decided to consider his words. "Alright fine, you miss your daughter. Why don't we taker her with us? She doesn't need Xavier Institute lessons and guidance unless if she wanna become underdog dishwasher or gardener." Neal said as she let out another series of coughs.

As his vision started fading in and out he looked at Loika weakly. "What do you think?"

Loika shook her head and laughed bitterly. " You dont get it Neal. You really dont get it. Me and you. We are over. Me and Peter. We made a baby together. We love, protect, and care for that baby. Together. You will never understand what it feels like to have a new life depend on you. To feel it growing inside you. I miss my little girl more than you know. But i will be damned if you get your hands on her." Loika sat up a little straighter. " Besides.... i couldnt take her from her daddy. She adores her father... I swear shes more him than me." Loika felt a twinge in her chest as she remembered their faces and looked like she was going to start crying again.